Welcome to HHM Land!

i think we human beings swing between the extreme polarities without noticing or observing it. when i have everything i have ever wished for, i realize my pursuit has been futile at fulfiling my goal for happiness. how do we define true happiness? u wont be satisfied when you have all the material things of the world and you wont be contented when you are free of the world. an ideal would be a balance of both material and spiritual satisfaction but i guess we would never really know where the centre of gravity is, on this see-saw.

as i floated on my back in the water, peering at the dark blue sky, i realized how tiny and insignificant i am in comparison to the wide sky that seemed to stretch far beyond the view of my naked eye. i am so far away from the sky. i'm being weighed down by gravity while the sky is being consumed by a solar system incomprehensible to me. with all my might, i want to change things- my own destiny and the way the world works. the realization of my own insignificance prompted me to give up. my mental being gathered a sense of determination within me.

i've always been known to be pragmatic, down to earth and maybe too practical. now i think i'm been a little idealistic, to think that an ounce of me can actually make a difference. positive or negative change...no idea.

a few moments ago, i looked back at myself and laughed, "idiot". then i realize a couple of days ago, i told huijie, people with real guts and ambitions are those who eventually make it and become great heroes. just like van gogh who only sold one painting in his entire lifetime. he was a fool in the eyes of his contemporaries but a great artist in the hearts of many today.

i don't want to be a hero, i just want to know that i've done all i can to be the best i can be. its "make it, or break it" time.