Welcome to HHM Land!

It's the end of Semester 1. exams are not over, but at least lectures and tutorials are. at the end of which, i think i really grew up a lot.

when academic pressures coming from assignments, projects, tests and other issues all come together, i learn to deal with them. i have my share of mental blocks, physical exhaustion and emotional struggles, but I know God has been with me all this time.

This semester, I experienced a recounciliation of my relationship with God. At the start of sem, i was struggling to cope with my ministries. The ever-present trap is to rely on my own strength. and then i go down, down and down. i remember having a anger-charged outburst during one of my sunday school classes, exclaiming how sick i am of having so many ministries to cope with. Sometimes i get so caught up in my stress and overloaded schedules that i've forgotten the purpose for serving. God has restored me through miraculous ways. I was very amazed how God actually brought restoration to me by leading me to help a friend in need. Sometimes when we help others see God, we ourselves experience closer encounters with God. Joining Bizad VCF has definitely helped me with my walk of God. Even though they don't know me well and didn't know the spiritual low that i was experiencing, they were there to guide, to help, to show me that God is always with me. (Emmanuel!)

I remember going through identity-searching this semester. If you read one of my previous posts, I talked about the temptations that I've experienced in university. Never have I thought university is such a scary place! I can't say it's not that bad. University is like a stepping stone to the REAL world. I'm intimidated, and yet, i find it exciting. excitingly scary. Sometimes my principles are being plunged into jeopardy and many times, unknowingly. I really learnt how important it is for me to have a close walk with God. When I don't, i feel insecure, uncertain, sometimes doing things that are unlike me.

Academic-wise, i struggle to understand the 'tricks' of doing well. *we got A+ for our socio of tourism paper! kudos to jiehui and kaishi!* I'm pretty much contented with my results so far. we should always celebrate small victories and discount the little failures (they're eventually insignificant to us!).

Whenever people ask me about university, i would tell them that the workload is shittily insane but socially, life is good. I enjoy the Boran camaraderie. Old friends are cool too. Its very different to hang out with old friends and new friends. When I talk to old friends, I always feel very comforted by them. It's just a very warm and soothing feeling. It makes me treasure my old friends more.

Life has become so different since the JC days. Somehow, i'm sighing as i type this. But I don't know why i'm sad about that. maybe i can't bear to grow up. i still want to be a kid. i'm still a kid. i'm only 19. i just wanna be a kid. i love being a kid and i love to kid. (okie, not funny)

Some things are too complicated to be explained here.

To end this, i shall quote an analogy from one of my favourite writers, CS Lewis:
Women sometimes have the problem of trying to judge by artificial light how a dress will look by daylight. That is very like the problem of all of us: to dress our souls not for the electric lights of the present world but for the daylight of the next. The good dress is the one what will face that light. For that light will last longer.